Stupidity, my fault

I had it all once.
Once I was happy.

I took things for granted, not knowing how to think.
All is gone, just like that.

I lost the chance of being close.
I can't take that back.
There are no occasions for it, anymore.

Selfish I am.
Terrible I am.

My heart aches,
Even more than physical abuse.
It is bleeding...
And it's all my fault.

I am hopeless.
Do not deserve what you're willing to give,
Do not deserve your love,
I am.

恨.讨厌.

人, 长大了都会如此吗?
世界, 真的那么的可怕吗?
我, 必须因为世界的残酷而改变自己的思想吗?
我, 也要如此自私吗?

一直认为只要你对别人好, 别人也会自然而然的对你好.
这样想很单纯吗? 很笨吗?
难道人就一定要想得很复杂才对吗?

我, 讨厌被人讨厌. 所以才会这样...
我希望所有人都对我好, 所以才会想要对人好.
但, 太注重于让讨厌我的人喜欢我, 而让真正喜欢我的人受到伤害.
对不起... 是我的错...

我一直以来都不相信, 人总会讨厌人, 也会被人讨厌.
是我不相信, 还是我拒绝相信?
人, 就一定要这么的复杂吗?

我讨厌这样的世界.
我讨厌这样的无理.
我讨厌这一切, 我无法掌控的一切, 无法改变的一切.
我讨厌我自己...

如果要在讨厌人与被人讨厌之中作出选择的话,
我会选择...
被人讨厌.
因为我不想讨厌人, 这只会辛苦了自己.
别人对我差, 我也希望对他好.
因为我想改变他的思想.
这样的自己只在逃避, 在自我安慰.
我很自私.
我讨厌我自己...

对不起, 伤害了身边的人.
我, 实在是太失败了, 超级无理取闹的, 没用的东西...
我, 就是讨厌我自己...

讨厌我, 是对的...

Not easy at all

Second year of pursuing my degree... No joke at all!

It is really becoming more and more hectic each day for me. I seriously doubt my ability to handle all these things. What exactly should I need to do to keep up with the growing pressure? What is expected of me in the working world? It is scary, the not knowing what is ahead...

Assignments are already piling up. And it is only week three. The horror! I can't even start to imagine the semesters to come. Will I even survive by then? Assignments. Not one of them is easy. Not one of them requires less attention. Not one of them requires less work. I am doomed.

Trying to figure out how to fit in. Trying to figure out how to cope with ways of life. Trying to figure out how to excel. Hoping to live through this. Hoping to be good in working. Hoping for a good future...

Gambate! That is all I can say for now. That is the only best thing I can do to myself... To cheer myself up... Gambate...