I'm home

Driving myself home,
Or what it used to be home...
The car porch that once hold the familiar
Has turned to shelter the others.
The house that once protected us
Has turned to cover the others.
The road that used to be the road home
Has become the road of memories.
The fond memories of the past.
The scary knowing of the future.
You were not what you used to be.

I seek.
I understand.
I sympathize.
I wonder.
I pretend.
I doubt.
The reasons I try to create for you.
There were never any.
You were not what you used to be.

Will it ever end?
Will I ever face it?
Will I even want it?
I am confused.
You were not what you used to be.
You were never what I thought you used to be.
You were never there.
Sadly, you were never there.

I'll just pretend.
For my sake, I'll pretend
You were once there, but now
You are just not what you used to be...

Someday, I hope you'll be.
Until I hope no more...