Dreaming

*sigh* Such a long holiday... What am I suppose to do? I do not even know how I survived the past weeks. Oh ya! I went for movies the other day with my ex-housemates. We watched the Jackie Chan film about the baby. It was so funny, quite an entertaining piece. And the baby was soooooooooooooooooo cute! Glad to think everyone was that cute once...

I spent all my days dreaming. If you think I have done enough dreaming during busy days, think again... With absolutely nothing to do during the holidays, I dream a lot. Not only I daydream more, I even have more dreams at night. I seriously dream myself to sleep and I wake up and dream some more. I don't even know what's the point of dreaming. I just love to do it. It makes me hide myself away from reality for a while. I can be whatever I want in my thoughts...

I plan to write something, a story maybe. But my laziness controls me, again! I have already thought of many potential ideas that can be turned into nice stories but the problem is when do I start. I'm terribly lazy you know. Then, there's another problem. You see, I do not know whether to write it in English or Chinese. I can write better in English as I've forgotten a whole lot about Chinese and I've been reading more of English books. But I feel that I can express better in Chinese. The stories I have in mind are those that would be shown in drama series (I really imagine too much...). I mean the stories are things that I feel will happen in drama series. And I think it's better for it to be in Chinese. But then I'm afraid I'll not express it well enough because of my Chinese standard and it will ruin everything... I don't know what to do now. Or maybe I am just finding excuse to delay the writing. I am just plain lazy...

I really should stop dreaming so much. It's making me go nuts. I realize as time goes by, sometimes I can't really differentiate reality from fantasy and that is very dangerous. On the other hand though, fantasy makes me feel that I belong. It's a place for me to settle down from reality. Or so I think... Haiz... I don't even know who I am now. I just do not know...

I am in deep trouble. The more I live in a world of my own, the more drastic my emotions change. I can be really happy one second and become sad suddenly the next. I am going nuts. I wonder how can people get along with me... Miracles do happen I guess. But I have to dream right? Or else how am I going to get those ideas to write stuff? Hehe... I'm comforting myself again...

Whatever it is, I'll try to control myself. I will try to know reality from fantasy. I truly believe that it is a gift for me, to dream. I can live two lives, sort of. I can be myself in reality, and be whoever I want in my fantasy world. I love this. I love to dream. And I will continue to dream... Maybe I'll be more down to earth but still, I will continue dreaming...