Just Listen

A Fallen Leaf

2010-07-13T17:29:00.003+08:00

May the wind blow a little longer.
May I be lifted up a little higher.
For I am merely a fallen leaf,
Cast away from the secured branch of the tree.

The wind I depend upon
To allow me the sweet taste of the air above.
It will be the same wind that pulls me down
Once its course change, I know.
That wind will soon help me soar high up again
When in an agreeing mood, I believe.
Wind, being wind.
Unpredictable wind.
Its direction I will never predict.
Its strength I will never calculate.
Its course I just follow.
For I am merely a fallen leaf,
Cast away from the secured branch of the tree.

The energetic wind has become gentle.
No longer has it strength to keep me high up.
I will soon hit the ground, I realize.
Slowly swaying downwards...
For I am merely a fallen leaf,
depending upon the strong wind to decide my destiny.
I will stay on the ground,
To be trampled upon,
To be turned to dust.
For I am merely a fallen leaf,
caught in a soon-dying wind.

More than just coffee

2010-02-04T20:16:00.000+08:00

A cup of hot mocha in my hands.
The aroma of the sweet coffee filled the air of my cubicle in the office.
I placed the tip of the cup onto my lips.
The sweet warm fluid gives me the calmness I need.
But not enough to make me think clearly.

Why am I still here? I wonder.
I wanna break free.
I wanna stay and have fun.
I am lost. As always...

I miss you.
Starbucks makes me think of you.
I remember you bringing me there to escape the hot weather.
I remember you setting up the laptop so that we can do our assignments.
I remember us sharing a drink while you plan for our next trip to collect all the stamps.

I wish to be with you.
But why am I still here? All alone.

I believe.
I will be there someday.
I will be there with you.
When that day comes,
We will once again enjoy a sweet drink,
Together.

I miss you...

Silent killer

2009-12-29T22:32:00.002+08:00

How can this go on without anyone objecting?
How long must injustice reigns?
Hope is gone...

This is clearly wrong. Even children can point that out.
What makes us hold our tongues?
Experience?
Wisdom?
Fear?
Money?
Sanity?
No, how can this be?
We are no match for children!

So now what. Should we teach this "way of life" to children since young then?
Follow what others are doing, even when it's dead wrong.
Tell our children that mistakes should be kept a secret and when leaked out, cover it with excuses and when that doesn't work, find more excuses.
They will get higher praises if they can believe in their own excuses so hard that they believe it's true and not a lie anymore.
Ask them to worship the rich and powerful as they're always right.
Urge them to get rich so they can get away with anything they do, and I meant anything!
Why waste time sending them to school?
Why waste time teaching them moral?
Why waste time guiding them to differentiate right from wrong?
When you are not practising it yourself.

It's not all about money.
It means much more than that.
If everyone just voice out and make a change,
Things will change for the better.
It won't turn out like this.
We've been teaching the young.
We've been singing songs of a better world.
We've been urging people to do good deeds, recycle, donate.
But what's the use when we never start from ourselves?
We keep quiet when things are wrong.
We go along with the flow, thinking it's none of our business so shut up.
You know how much damage can be done just because everyone zips their mouths and "mind their own business"?
You know how much it hurts in the end?
And it wouldn't be you. The effect of it will be felt deeply by someone innocent.
This is the world we live in.

Still.
I still hope.
That miracles would happen.
All will be fine.

How long more must injustice hurt me?
Hope is still there
I believe.
Hope's always there.
I just have to find it and grab hold of it.
To make a difference.
To bring light to a world so dim.

I hope...

I miss UTAR.

2009-08-30T21:05:00.002+08:00

My mailbox has somehow reached its limit I guess.
It should be time to clear some space.

I started clicking from emails to emails.
There really was a lot, but I couldn't find the heart to delete any of those.
Because those were the only times I received emails from my friends.

There were the times when my secondary classmates and college mates sent me emails.
They were soon replaced with names of my university friends.

Emails concerning assignments.
Encouraging forwarded message come near exam time.
Hilarious jokes just to make your day.
Informational messages to remind you of your safety and health.
Touching stories urging you to cherish the people around you.
Lovely messages giving you reassurance that we will be friends forever...

The names of those close friends stopped when we graduated.
Replaced with tons of emails sent by 'alumni'.

I felt a sharp pang in my heart.
We were once so close.
We once had a common topic.
How could it change so dramatically in such a short time?
I long to turn back time.
To go back to that time when we were close and out of worries.
To be able to laugh with an open heart.
To have each other as company.
It was hard to admit. All those were just temporary.

Still, I am grateful to have those friends as my friends when I need them.
I am glad to have you in my memories of my great studying life.
Thank you all for being there for me.

I end up leaving the emails untouched.
Maybe I am still not ready to look ahead.
I still want to hold on to my old times, when I was truly happy.
I am afraid to clear up those spaces as I do not wish to replace them with anything else.
I am stubborn.
It may change in time, but for now
I want to hold on.

I miss UTAR because of you all!
Thank you for the fond memories.
Thank you for the tears flowing now, because you gave me something to cry about, something to miss about.
Thank you for being my friend.
Miss you...

Fairyland

2009-02-19T21:30:00.002+08:00

Other meadows out there... What will it be like?

My world here is dying. I can sense it. Some fairies I've known have moved on, flew to other places once they got the chance. They never came back, so I would not know how it's like out there. I wish I knew. Lillie once said she flew to "the other place". She claimed that the flowers there have so much morning dew on it that you can only come out at night just to avoid the sparkle that could hurt your eyes. Of course I did not believe it. Lillie was never the daring type. She did not even have the guts to fly up high enough to retrieve her kite, just because she thought the stars were angry with her for disturbing their sleep. She would not have gone that far.

I am afraid of other worlds out there. What if I can't find other meadows? What if I can't find a special kind of flower I can call my home? What if Grandma was right and there really are those horrible things that will eat fairies up out there? I just wish I knew. But someday I will have to leave. I must. I just can't stand it here anymore. I can no longer call this my home...

The wind here is dying. My wings have become so heavy I can't fly up to look down at my lovely (once lovely) home anymore. This used to be my favourite thing to do. The fairies here have turned ugly. Every fairy starts fighting for power, hurt fairies behind their backs, not smiling anymore... It has become very frightening, and the scariest part is I don't know when it started.

I can't stay here any longer. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I might be one of them someday. I don't want that...

So I'll leave someday. I'll have to leave behind my home, and find a new one. Although I'll miss everything here, I'll have to go. Even if I don't know what's out there, I'll have to go. To save myself, I'll have to go. Even if I'm the last fairy existing, I'll go... Because this is my life, and I'll live it whatever way I want. Because I have only one life and this is it.

Other meadows out there... What will it be like? I'll soon find out.

New Year Spirit

2009-01-02T16:20:00.002+08:00

It's reunion dinner, a dinner to welcome the new year.

I close my eyes and open them...
I was at the kids' table, eating with children only. I could see mothers, including mine, telling me to eat all the dishes on the table, it is for good luck. Then, they were warning their children to behave and be good before proceeding to the adults' table. I would listen to laughter and business conversations coming from the adults' table while my table held the conversations of cartoons and toys. Mostly, we were just eating our meal and waiting to drink the cold drink provided for us. I could hear my mother warn me from her table to not finish my drink as I would need some left for 'yam sing' (cheers) session. I obeyed. The time finally came. With loud shouts of 'yam sing' and clinks of glasses, laughter remains while my mind were already on new year programs on television. I would secretly wish I would have a sip of ribena (which later I knew was red wine) that my parents never let me try. It was fun and we looked forward to it.

I close my eyes and open them again...
I was at the adults' table by now. Well, just of age actually. We were still having the similar dishes we've always had for the past years. However, the mood is quite different. We kind of grew tired of new year as it's the same old thing all over again. My mother would be busy preparing and would be the last to appear at the dining table. They will talk about the same boring business conversations which I did not understand. The females explaining the meaning of each dish all over again (everytime the same), chat about the freshness of the fish and start discussing about where to get the best cooking materials. Occasionally, the aunts and uncles would ask about our studies and future plans but it was always brief. It was like any other day. It was ordinary and we just celebrate for tradition purposes.

I close my eyes and open them again...
I was still at the adults' table. Of course I'm older now but I still prefer alcohol-free drinks. This time is different. The place where my grandfather used to sit was not there anymore. It feels the same yet different at the same time. We were still doing the same old things we've done for the past few years. But my grandpa was missing and I could feel my grandmother feeling it more than any of us. We can hear the clink of our glasses when we cheered, but then there was just a note missing. It was getting dull and I start to wonder the purpose for celebrating.

I close my eyes and open them again...
I am at the different table now. This seems to be my future. I am with my own family now, and I found a whole new meaning to celebrate such occasions. I am explaining to my children about the meaning of celebrating new year and also the meaning of each dish set on the dining table. They listened with wonder and exclaimed with delight. They ate the prawn, deeply believing that it will make them happier. They waited anxiously for the 'yam sing' session and was looking forward to the next year to be able to do it all over again. It was lively again but I can't help but wonder... They will eventually get bored about this. They will think it's repetitive and meaningless. Well, until they have a family of their own to have the feeling of having something new. How long will it last until the circle happens all over again? I will cherish every moment of it before it starts. I'll try.

I'm home

2008-12-19T13:18:00.002+08:00

Driving myself home,
Or what it used to be home...
The car porch that once hold the familiar
Has turned to shelter the others.
The house that once protected us
Has turned to cover the others.
The road that used to be the road home
Has become the road of memories.
The fond memories of the past.
The scary knowing of the future.
You were not what you used to be.

I seek.
I understand.
I sympathize.
I wonder.
I pretend.
I doubt.
The reasons I try to create for you.
There were never any.
You were not what you used to be.

Will it ever end?
Will I ever face it?
Will I even want it?
I am confused.
You were not what you used to be.
You were never what I thought you used to be.
You were never there.
Sadly, you were never there.

I'll just pretend.
For my sake, I'll pretend
You were once there, but now
You are just not what you used to be...

Someday, I hope you'll be.
Until I hope no more...

Where are you now...

2008-10-28T11:54:00.002+08:00

Never did I think you were that important,
You were just there.
Never did I imagine I would miss such a feeling,
The feeling of having you there for me.

Having your phone number ever ready in my mind,
Knowing before me you will be whenever I called.
Since when did the number miraculously erase itself?
The space where you once reign is now a void.

Laughter echoes.
Sorrow hides.

Never did I notice how cruel time can be,
All just changes.
Never did I realize I would be lonely,
Without you in my life.

I'll just look back at the steps we once took,
The memories we made together.
Always wondering... Forever wondering...
Do you feel the same way?

Who's the fairest of them all?

2008-10-01T11:38:00.002+08:00

You getting what you want.
Me having to follow orders.
Not fair...

He having a rich but sorrowful life.
She having a poor but satisfying life.
Not fair...

We working hard and gain nothing.
They cheat and got on top.
Not fair...

Them boast about how "good" they are.
Us keep quiet about our good deeds and being looked down upon.
Not fair...

There is nothing fair in this world.
Should I seek for fairness and do the right thing?
Or should I go with the flow and be the successful and selfish?

There really is nothing fair in this world.
Nothing is fair...
Not anymore...

How to start?

2008-09-25T12:37:00.003+08:00

It has been a long time since I last posted something here. I realize a few of friends are complaining already, logging in every once in a while to stare at the same old post. In fear of losing audiences, I will now write something...

What to write? This is all so random. My mind is now a blank. I stare out my window, my eyes fixed upon the green neatly-trimmed grass of the golf course. It was empty. The pond is dead still. I thought of writing a haunted golf course but it just sounds weird. It is bright daylight for Heaven's sake. What ghosts come out in the broad daylight?

Then, I thought about the times when people play. I can't seem to understand why is this a sport and why people are addicted to it. It is always hot when they play and I do not get the idea of walking so far just to hit a tiny ball.

And then there's the not-so-good players. They spend lots of money to get into the golf course and they do not play well. There are so much more they can do with that money and they chose to waste it for a sport they are not good at. I just do not understand people. There are times when I was eating at the dining table and suddenly there's a loud ping or pang or bang! Some lousy player "aimed" right at my house and successfully hit it. My mum now has a satisfying collection of golf balls, each has a date on it, indicating when it miraculously ended in the compund of my house. The collection will continue until those players master the skill, but then there will always be newcomers.

So maybe I should write something about them? But what if they found out about this and sue me? Or what if they decided to take revenge on me and started to intentionally aim at my house? I'll have to move and that's bad! Oh my gosh, what should I do? "KEEP QUIET! I'M TRYING TO WRITE HERE!" Sorry, my sister is bugging me again. It's not her fault. This is her only expertise. "GO BOTHER YOUR OTHER SISTER!" Okay, back to what I was doing earlier. What exactly am I doing? I did not manage to write anything.

Once again, my mind is in a blank. This is getting me nowhere. I might as well just stop here. Or maybe I can write about... Oh wait! Oops, look at the time. I've got to fetch my brother back from kindergarten now. Can't be late, you know how the security is nowadays. I have to go there and fetch him on time. Who knows who might be waiting for him there already. Oh my, I just can't imagine such a situation. What am I doing still talking to no one? I should get going now. As for my story... Oh well, I'll think of something eventually. Signing off now.

Heavy battle

2008-06-26T19:51:00.003+08:00

Sitting heavily on my chair,
Staring blankly at the speaker.
I tried to run
But I've sent myself right into this trap.
There's nowhere to go, nothing to do
But wait...

His lips seem to be moving.
Strangely enough
No words come into my head.

His figure is vaguely visible
As I move sideways to avoid his glance.
He didn't seem to notice.
He just keeps on talking
Non-stop talking...

I stare into blankness.
Someone is working overtime it seems
Unfortunately at the wrong time...

I have to stay firm.
My combats have all fallen.
I have to stay strong.
I have to fight against this Someone.

I stare at the speaker
Heavily staring at him.
Like the moon,
He was there at first
Then half of him gone
Then only his left arm can be seen waving dramatically
Then he's gone.

My battle has lost.
My white flag has risen
As I lay peacefully still.
Everything fades away.
I have lost against this Someone called Sandman.
I fell asleep in class.

Tired of being a clown

2008-04-30T22:29:00.002+08:00

I wake up an hour early in the morning,
Getting ready for a brand new day.
I stare at the mirror,
Making sure my makeup’s just nice,
Playing around with my hair to set it right,
Posing to find the perfect smile I’ll wear today.
I want everything to be perfect.
I look at my own reflection.
I hardly know her anymore.
All I can do right now
Is to make myself look happy,
Even if I am weeping inside.

Like a clown,
I show my best to make people laugh.
I hide my sorrows to silently shed tears.
I want to look good.
With people’s perception that I am perfectly fine,
I will really be fine.
This I am thankful...

I walk around the streets alone,
Putting on the widest smile possible.
I surround myself with friends,
Laughing at anything that is supposed to be funny,
Chatting in a care-free manner,
Making sure I am likeable by everyone.
I want everything to be perfect.
“She has a perfect life!”
How I wish those words are true.
All I can do right now
Is to make myself look perfect,
Even if I know nothing will be the same again.

Like a clown,
I show my best to make people laugh.
I hide my sorrows for nobody really cares.
I want to look good.
With people thinking I am perfect,
I will really be perfect.
This I am thankful...

With people repeatedly saying I am lucky,
Maybe I will be lucky.
Maybe, just maybe...
I will finally be happy.
Everything will finally be fine.
And I will finally not be
Like a clown.

This I hope…

me and meme

2008-03-25T20:18:00.002+08:00

Being tagged and being bored in the office, meme it is and here it goes...

1. When you look into the mirror…

I look into the mirror every morning to check whether I look fine before I go out (using fingers as comb to get those tangles off my hair). That is if I have extra time and with this, you will know how often I look into the mirror.

2. When did you last saw someone picking their nose?

Erm… Let’s see. There was this once when I was sitting at the passenger’s seat while I-forgot-who was driving at night. I happened to look out the window to take in the beautiful scenery of the night but found myself staring at another driver picking his nose with one hand and trying to maneuver his car with the other. Beautiful scenery gone!

3. What are you doing now?

I am now cracking my head trying to answer these questions which SOMEONE has forced me to do while trying to avoid the stares of supervisors walking past my peaceful little space at the corner of this dull office, plus waiting to go home (is it time yet?).

4. What would be the best birthday present?

Wow, there is just too much I want. Think, think, think… Oh, I got it! The best birthday present would be a nice romantic day with my dear. Maybe a day at the beach with beautiful-lit candles, warm cuddling of his arms, a present which he made himself or has a wonderful meaning behind it, sweet romantic talk… Oops, this does not count as a present right? Oh well, my dear as a present will do.

5. Who do you think is hot right this moment?

Define hot. If you meant sexy hot, I really do not think anybody as HOT hot. Right at this moment, I think I am hot. I just climbed up the stairs after finishing my lunch and the air conditioner is not exactly blowing at me. What do you expect?

6. Who annoyed you recently?

I was forced by SOMEONE to say that it is him who annoys me. It will be his ‘accomplishment’ to successfully annoy me in such a way that I’d be driven up to the nut house. He believes that he will be successful that way. So here it goes, Jee annoyed me recently. Look! Now happy? (Jee nods in a way that I wonder the flexibility of his neck to support such dramatic movement of his head. On his face spelled ‘VICTORY!’. On my face showed three straight lines.)

7. Where did you meet your loved one? If you have yet to find, where do you plan to meet him/her?

I met him in my class at university. He sat beside me on the first day of class. I was afraid of him because he looked angry and annoyed. He even threw his handphone hard on the table (Now, he proclaims that it is not throwing, it is just putting the handphone on the table, only with much force) which frightened me. I dared not introduce myself until much later. (Just recently I realized that it was his ex-girlfriend who has made him angry back then. He’ll pay! Muahahaha…)

8. How will you use this meme for the benefit of mankind?

I will encourage people to recall their wonderful moments and share them with the world. With this, everyone will have a laugh at what is written. Laughter is contagious you know. Laugh at others. Laugh at yourself (What crap am I saying?).

I can't think of who in particular to tag so I'll just hand this task over to whoever's reading this right now. Just copy the questions and answer it in your own way, then publish it in your blog. YOU've been tagged! Hehe...

This is life (or death)

2008-01-24T22:04:00.000+08:00

I'm walking down the street, walking towards the LRT station.
My legs are failing me. Very slowly I walk...
I'm looking at the road, looking at the people passing by.
My eyes are failing me. Straining my eyes I see...

I am at an old age, walking alone...
Where are my kids I will not tell.
Maybe I won't admit having them.
Maybe they were never there.
This, I will not tell.

Coming back from a market, coming back from a memory.
I used to be young.
I used to walk there.
So lively, so young...

Waiting for the train, walking into the train...
No one notices me.
Maybe they won't admit I'm there.
Maybe I was never there.
This, I will remain silent.

Everything, just seems so different.
Laughing to the phone, absent-mindedly listening to music, heavily sitting on the successfully taken seat...
People don't know each other anymore.
They live in their own world.
Just like me.

Walking slowly towards my home, my lonely home...
Everyone's going on with their own world.
When will ours intercede?
Maybe I won't admit I wish it to happen.
Maybe this thought never was there.
This, I do not know.

Looking around, feeling the time evolve around me...
Buildings appear, computers conquer.
Everything changes. But I am still here.
Where do I stand in this world?
I do not want to know.
I am afraid to know.

I am glad of what I have now.
I do not wish to change anything.
I am just living everyday as it is.
I am just waiting...

Maybe I won't admit it.
Maybe it has always been there.
The time for me to go.
I am waiting...

What's left behind

2007-10-07T14:37:00.000+08:00

You are so high and mighty.
You are capable of doing things right.
You are so great.
Or so you think...

Fleeing. You're good at it.
Is that what you should do?
Some things you are doing exceptionally well.
But some things you aren't.
You may not admit it but
It's true...

Us being left behind.
You think by leaving,
Things will solve on its own.
You are just afraid
For this is one thing you cannot handle properly...

You left,
Leaving us behind
To take care of the mess you made.
You left us being helpless.
You left us in sorrow.
You left us despair and confusion.
You left us...

Things will not be the same again.
I will not treat you the same again.
And there's nothing you could do.
No matter how hard you try.
If, you ever try...

Heated up

2007-09-29T13:26:00.000+08:00

To get mad over a ridiculously-choreographed reason which is not of any value at all. To be angry over a narrow mind which is capable only of creating self-inflicted lies and convincing oneself that that lie is the truth. To get on my nerves by trying to influence me into believing that I am wrong in pointing out the flaws of the so-called facts. Such utter madness!

Why am I being so heated up by this anyway... I knew right at the beginning that my reasonings will come to this. Some people just would not listen. She's the one who thinks she's forever right and never wrong. She's the one who believes that everyone is getting on her bad side. She's the one who thinks she's so great that nobody ever understands her, expect her so-called friends, which I disapprove altogether. Oh, I am boiling at this point. Why can't some sense penetrate into that stubborn brain of hers. She has wired her mind in a way that is difficult. Difficult for herself to learn. Difficult for people to teach.

You are ruining yourself I tell you. I'm trying to help and you're saying I'm a control freak! You deserve some teaching. Too bad these are too good for your mind which has a door solely for ants to crawl through. Please do have some senses. Posting this is already violating my own ethical expects as I am suppose to keep all this to myself. But I have had enough already. I need some way to express this. You won't even know I'm talking about you. Yes, I'm talking about you, sis. Face it.

I know this may be the character of you since you were born. But can you just channel it down a bit. Quit thinking your reasonings are as good as gold. They are just plain ridiculous. If your friends accept what you said, it's either they are just as ridiculous as you are, or you have not told them the whole story yet.

Please have some common sense and accept what people say, will you? You are arguing with false beliefs. It is time you learn. Please do...

Stupidity, my fault

2007-06-28T16:06:00.000+08:00

I had it all once.
Once I was happy.

I took things for granted, not knowing how to think.
All is gone, just like that.

I lost the chance of being close.
I can't take that back.
There are no occasions for it, anymore.

Selfish I am.
Terrible I am.

My heart aches,
Even more than physical abuse.
It is bleeding...
And it's all my fault.

I am hopeless.
Do not deserve what you're willing to give,
Do not deserve your love,
I am.

恨.讨厌.

2007-06-27T20:17:00.000+08:00

人, 长大了都会如此吗?
世界, 真的那么的可怕吗?
我, 必须因为世界的残酷而改变自己的思想吗?
我, 也要如此自私吗?

一直认为只要你对别人好, 别人也会自然而然的对你好.
这样想很单纯吗? 很笨吗?
难道人就一定要想得很复杂才对吗?

我, 讨厌被人讨厌. 所以才会这样...
我希望所有人都对我好, 所以才会想要对人好.
但, 太注重于让讨厌我的人喜欢我, 而让真正喜欢我的人受到伤害.
对不起... 是我的错...

我一直以来都不相信, 人总会讨厌人, 也会被人讨厌.
是我不相信, 还是我拒绝相信?
人, 就一定要这么的复杂吗?

我讨厌这样的世界.
我讨厌这样的无理.
我讨厌这一切, 我无法掌控的一切, 无法改变的一切.
我讨厌我自己...

如果要在讨厌人与被人讨厌之中作出选择的话,
我会选择...
被人讨厌.
因为我不想讨厌人, 这只会辛苦了自己.
别人对我差, 我也希望对他好.
因为我想改变他的思想.
这样的自己只在逃避, 在自我安慰.
我很自私.
我讨厌我自己...

对不起, 伤害了身边的人.
我, 实在是太失败了, 超级无理取闹的, 没用的东西...
我, 就是讨厌我自己...

讨厌我, 是对的...

Not easy at all

2007-06-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

Second year of pursuing my degree... No joke at all!

It is really becoming more and more hectic each day for me. I seriously doubt my ability to handle all these things. What exactly should I need to do to keep up with the growing pressure? What is expected of me in the working world? It is scary, the not knowing what is ahead...

Assignments are already piling up. And it is only week three. The horror! I can't even start to imagine the semesters to come. Will I even survive by then? Assignments. Not one of them is easy. Not one of them requires less attention. Not one of them requires less work. I am doomed.

Trying to figure out how to fit in. Trying to figure out how to cope with ways of life. Trying to figure out how to excel. Hoping to live through this. Hoping to be good in working. Hoping for a good future...

Gambate! That is all I can say for now. That is the only best thing I can do to myself... To cheer myself up... Gambate...

Moving on

2007-05-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

Taking a bigger step forward...
What's ahead who knows?

Afraid...
Of my ability
Of my will power
Of the pressure of supports received
Of my future
Of the unpredictable future...

Can I make it all the way ahead?
Will I succeed?
Will I survive?

All I can do
Is to move on forward,
To find out...

Hurt spreads

2007-05-05T18:18:00.000+08:00

Sorrow
Can spread...

Looking at you,
My heart starts to ache.
What happened I do not know.
But it still hurts...

Knowing there's a little innocent heart here,
Looking up with clear big eyes...
"Why are you crying?"
No answer.
Can this little heart handle something so big?
No one knows.
This little heart has to,
Somehow...

Burden.
Whose fault is it?
No one to blame.
It is just how it is.
Poor human...

Have I done wrong, again?

2007-04-02T19:17:00.000+08:00

Waiting...
Forgive me for not taking action first.
I am not used to this,
Not used to make the first move.

What have I done,
To make you the way you are now?
Forgive me but I really do not know.
Please tell me,
For I fail to notice the reason of all this.

I really do not know what to do.
I feel so helpless.
Why do you have such a big impact in my life?
Why because of you, I have the urge to run into a heavy downpour of rain?
To let the rain fall on me,
To wake me to my senses...
I am weak,
Because of you...

Waiting...
For you...

Sorry...

2007-03-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

Insensitive I am,
Sorry...
Not knowing things,
Sorry...
I do not know when to react, how to react,
Sorry...

Do not be angry because of this,
I do not know you.
You do not know me...

Afraid of disapproval I am,
But...
Being hated I feel...
I do not like this at all.

I am not a good person at all.
Who am I,
in your heart?
Someone you would like to avoid?
Sorry,
For appearing in your life,
As a friend, as a person...
Sorry...

Accept others

2007-03-25T21:23:00.000+08:00

Time is changing. So are we...

Differences, so deadly. Relationships are ruined because of it. Can't we just bear with each other's differences? Can't we just accept each other for who we are?

Recently, I am watching people getting further and further from each other. They started seeing the difference in others, the true self in others, the self they could not accept. Just because they do not like the way certain people think, they started not liking them. Why have they changed? Why are they like this? They should be like this...

"Why don't I have problems like this?" I asked once.
"Because you accept everything. You are not a strong character..." They said.

If things do not get along well, aren't we suppose to fix it? Why do people believe in themselves so much that they choose not to accept others? But in the end, these people are the ones who get hurt. They get hurt because of their own belief, because they do not try to fix things. They want others to change, to follow them... Why can't they just soften a bit? Or maybe I am the one who is too soft...

Everything can be solved. Things can get better. If only everyone tries to give...

永恒的爱

2007-03-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

永恒… 存在吗？

彩晶…
你的眼神，那么的真诚… 穿入了我的心。
你的笑容，那么的甜蜜… 让我感到无限的幸福。
你的拥抱，那么的真实… 好想一辈子就将保护着你。
你的爱，我感受到了…

觉得自己很没用，不保证以后能否给你幸福。
“我们的爱情一定会到永恒… ”
我们这样说过。但我不知道，会到永恒吗？
原本是个千金的你，不应该这样跟着我。
你值得更好的，而我并不够好…
决定要努力，一定要努力，给你个美好的未来。
我们会有未来的… 一定会…

为什么？
突然提出分手，是为什么？
你不爱我了吗？
我承认，自己并没那么好，但不是说好了要到永恒吗？
我已经在努力了，但为什么你选择了放弃？
是觉得我不可能给你美好未来吧…
选择了他，比较实际吧…
我的心碎了。

女人都是现实的。
世界是残酷的。

-----------------------------------------------

亲爱的…
你的眼神，充满了关怀… 爱就在心里。
你的笑容，充满了喜悦… 让我心情也好起来了。
你的拥抱，充满了安全感… 好想一辈子就将依赖着你。
你的爱，我感受到了…

觉得自己很没用，一直在给你压力。
“我们的爱情一定会到永恒… ”
我们这样说过。但看着你承受着这些，心真的很疼。
其实我并不需要些什么。有你的爱就够了，真的。
我好像给了你好多麻烦。不想你太累…
你说没关系。但总觉得你因为我，辛苦了许多。
我不该这样对你。
你值得更好的…
我们会有未来的… 我也希望…

我提出了分手。
忍着痛，骗了你。
其实根本就没有什么他，一直都只有你。
我的心碎了。

男人都是坚强的。
世界会是美好的。

-----------------------------------------------

还爱着你，一直都没变，也不会变。
曾答应过的永恒，我还在遵守着。
我没有再谈恋爱，也不会再谈恋爱。
每天都在回想当时的甜蜜。
每天都在想念着你…
心里会一直摆着你，到永恒…

每天都会来一次以前我们常来的咖啡店。
期待着你吗？不，我离开了你，不会有所期待。
只是想感受一下曾经的爱，轰轰烈烈的爱，我为了你放弃的爱…

走进咖啡店，停下了脚步。
你就在那儿，她和你们的婴儿也在那儿。
你身边已有了她。
她一定很幸福。你也一样吧…

当时伤了你的心，对不起。
你会更幸福的，一定会活得更好，更美满。
对不起…
我爱你…

我走出咖啡店。永远祝福你…

-----------------------------------------------

我来到这间咖啡店，曾属于我们的咖啡店…

我已结婚，还刚刚成了爸爸，有了个可爱的女儿。
“老婆，让我抱一下孩子吧。”
手里抱着我女儿，我亲爱的人。
“乖哦。爸爸在这儿。乖，我的最爱。乖，我亲爱的彩晶… ”

永恒… 存在吗？
它在哪儿呢？

Changing

2007-03-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

Things change rapidly...

Flowers may bloom now, so beautiful, so heavenly...
But soon, this will fade away.
It will wither away...

Leaves fall, gently swaying to the ground.
Saddening it seems
But soon, spring will come.
Hope will once again appear...

Happiness do not last forever
So do sorrow.
Things change
For the better...

Hope is out there.
Seek it...

Doubting myself

2007-02-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

Am I on the right track?

I always thought I am making the right decision. I am deciding for myself. I want this. I want to express my passion for writing. But now, I do not know anymore...

I suddenly feel that I do not have what it takes for this. How am I going to overcome this? I fought for this. Ignoring all doubts on me and fought for my future. I have made up my mind before, I want to prove them wrong. I can be successful in this. I am right in studying this course. But now, I am afraid they are right after all...

I am not sure now. It seems so right at the beginning, now it is entirely different. I do not know whether I still have the courage to continue supporting my own choice. I do not know whether this is right for me. I am starting to lose hope. What should I do?

I love to write. But I am not so sure about my skills of writing. Am I being naive in believing this is for me? Am I disappointing the people around me, again?

There is no turning back now. I have to move forward. But where to?

Am I on the right track?

Going wrong...

2007-02-24T14:37:00.000+08:00

Sitting at a round table, eating a meal... This was supposed to be something resembling unity, love, happiness... But why do I feel this way? Why is this happening?

Everyone is wearing a mask, revealing the true self bit by bit. Every word uttered contains hidden meaning. Every expression is forced. The sight of this is hurting me. I do not think I can take this any longer...

People have different ways of thinking, different perception towards things. Most people think the same but that doesn't necessarily mean the truth. Only those directly involved know what it is. Only they know how it feels. Stop thinking on behalf of them, thinking you're right. You do not know how it feels. You do not know how I feel...

I myself do not know whether I am thinking right. I just know what is happening now is hurting me and I do not like this one bit. You may think what you're doing is the best solution for all. This is the only way... But you are wrong. If this is the best solution why am I bleeding inside? If this is what is best why do I find so many wrong things in it?

Stop finding excuses, blaming all this on others. You are the ones causing this, each and everyone of you is responsible. Stop putting fault solely on us. We do not deserve to be treated this way. I do not deserve to be treated this way...

Stop thinking you are so high and mighty. Stop thinking you are right, for you are not. You are not...

I am sorry. Sorry for everything that I've done wrong. Sorry for being so helpless. Sorry for contributing to this trouble. I am sorry... For everything...

Sitting together for a meal should be a wonderful thing. Why is this happening? Watching this, my heart aches. I should be happy...

Gong Xi Fa Chai

2007-02-16T11:23:00.000+08:00

Is it just me, or is the mood of Chinese New Year not as it is before?

I do not know why. Although new year is just around the corner, I do not have the mood of celebrating at all. Where is my longing to get together and eat as much as I can? Where is the joy of wearing new clothes and wishing other people good luck? Where is the excitement in waiting to receive 'ang pow'? Where is the happiness in listening to joyful new year songs? Where has the mood gone to?

Maybe I am losing these excitement bit by bit as I grow older. It is just the same year after year. Nothing special. Nothing to look forward to. Just maybe... Or maybe I am afraid to meet weird relatives that I have never met but insisted that I know them and expect me to call them by name without giving me half a clue. Just maybe...

Chinese New Year used to be a celebrating festival, a happy one. What is happening now?

Although I am feeling this way, I do not want to spoil others' new year. So I will try to change my mood and at least pretend that I am looking forward to it and will enjoy it with all my heart.

I wish happiness and joy to all. Enjoy a happy Chinese New Year!

Gong Xi Fa Chai...

Falling...

2007-02-09T15:32:00.000+08:00

I am falling
Deeper and deeper...

Why are you doing this to me?
Why am I reacting this way?
What is happening?
It is all blurred out.
It is all unclear...

I am about to reach the bottom,
About to get hurt...
I should stop this.
I should carefully climb my way up again.
I should forget...

I am falling
Deeper and deeper.
There is no way out.
Falling...

我爱你...

2007-01-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

我们就这样吗？

恋人一定是从朋友开始的吗？如果是的话就好了。不知道从何时开始，对你渐渐有了好感，对你的小动作也感到窝心，这就是爱吗？

下雨了。我们在街上走着。你手里撑着伞，但因你只顾着我，自己却被淋湿了。你真的好傻哦。。。那天我穿着长裤，裤脚都湿了，搞得我一点都不舒服。你突然把伞交给了我，自己蹲了下来，亲手把我的裤脚给折起来。我真的很感动，真的。。。

我们就这样一直搞暧昧吗？你还不要开口吗？我要一直等下去吗？你对我的感觉是否像我对你的一样？还是我想太多了？

爱是这样的吗？

……………………

“我好像有点喜欢你”

你这样对我说。但为什么，我却把这句话当作是开玩笑的呢？你也不在乎，也不再说类似的话。我一直期待着你再说一遍，认真的再说一遍，但你并没有。你真的是在开玩笑吗？还是我让你失去了继续说下去的勇气？我真的好笨哦。。。是我自己胡思乱想吗？还是我把自己的幸福亲手给毁了？机会错过了就不会再有了，不是吗？

我真的是个笨蛋。。。

……………………

我又想太多了吗？

你问我是否听过一首歌，是一首情歌，我说没有。你叫我听听看，真的好好听，结果我真的去听了。为什么我要对你说的话那么的在意呢？那首歌真的很好听，很感人。歌词在说着告白。你在暗示着我吗？我真的不该再猜测下去。。。我就快发疯了。你的心意到底是怎么样？

你还不要给我个明确的答案吗？

……………………
我弹着钢琴，弹着那一首歌。

“我爱你。”

你终于开口了。我看着你，手继续的弹奏着。你向她告白了。。。

……………………

“可以帮我个忙吗？”

你拿着那首歌的歌谱，要我练好那首歌。
“她好喜欢这首歌哦。。。希望你能弹奏它，就在我告白时弹着。她一定会很开心的。。。”

我接过了你手上的歌谱。看来你真的很爱她。。。

我答应了，答应帮助你的告白。

练习弹奏时，心情真的很差。一直以来，果然是我自己想太多了。心。。。真的很痛。。。

我哭了。自己一个人练习时哭了。眼泪就像露珠在叶子的表面上滑落一样，慢慢的滑落在我的脸上。我不敢大哭，也没借口大哭，更没理由大哭。我们只是朋友，我凭什么大哭呢？露珠是很美丽的，但我的眼泪却是丑陋的。没有一个人的眼泪会是美丽的。。。

……………………

我继续弹奏着。她真的很感动。你们拥抱了。。。

她在哭，感动的哭了，也笑了，而她的眼泪是充满喜悦的。这时我才知道，感动的眼泪是美丽的。你的选择是对的。你爱对了人。。。

琴声渐渐消失。我的弹奏结束了。我的眼泪不由自主地滑落，就让我再伤心一次，最后一次。我悄悄的离开。。。

我祝福你们。你会快乐的。她会幸福的。我会没事的。。。

……………………

我向她告白了。我知道我不应该找你帮忙，不该找你弹奏，不该让你看着我告白。。。

我看着你离去。你的眼里好像含有泪光。是我看错了吗？

我跟你说过我喜欢你啊。你希望我再说多一遍吗？还是你根本就对我没意思？我不再对你告白，是害怕你会拒绝吗？我已经没有那种勇气再说多一次了。对不起。。。

我祝你找到比我更好的。你应该被更好的、更值得你去爱的人爱着。

我会对她很好，就好像我曾经对你一样的，对她好。

因为我爱你。。。

……………………
(Special thanks to Kai Heng for editing)

Sorry for being me

2007-01-25T17:41:00.000+08:00

I am not a good person...
Stop thinking I am.

I am not who you think I am
I do not live to your expectation
I am not good enough
I am so sorry...

Do not try to ask me to become who you want me to be.
I am who I am.
I am just not good enough...

Sorry for not being what you expected
Sorry for not going your way
Sorry for being me
Sorry for not being good enough...

I am not a good person after all...

Crying is not a crime

2007-01-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine suddenly forbid me to cry. "You cannot cry! I do not allow you to cry in front of me..."

It was a bit funny at first. But then I realized she really meant what she said. This makes it ridiculous. How am I supposed to control my emotions? When the time comes it will come. When I feel like crying, I will cry! End of story.

She said she will feel like it was her fault a person's crying, like she was bullying that person. All I can say is she thinks too much. Not everything is because of you okay. Haha... Don't worry so much...

Actually I may look like a person who will cry easily but I am not. (Cheh...) I can be very strong at times you know. To cry is just a way to release my tensions I guess. To let go what I've been keeping inside of me for so long. I have to let go to create a balance inside me. Or else I might just break and go nuts. You won't want that right? I hope not...

When I cry, mostly it's not anybody's fault. It is just me trying to sort things out. It is mostly about the way I handle things, the way I am that made me sad. So do not worry. It will definitely not be your fault, don't feel sorry...

I'll try not to cry so easily, but you have to try to forgive me if I really did okay? Haha... We will have fun together. I just know it...

Stretched-out hands

2007-01-22T22:26:00.000+08:00

Looking around...
Everything seems to be just like they were before.
But why,
Why this familiarity can be so alienated?
What has happened...

Reaching out...
I reached out my hands
Trying to get the touch of yours
The touch of assurance
The touch of you...

My hands were left that way
Feeling empty...
Why have you left me this way?
My hands
Feeling cold...

What has happened?
I am lost...

How hard can this be?

2007-01-19T16:24:00.000+08:00

After browsing through my friend's blog only I realized, I haven't wrote anything about me finding a place to stay already. I have been saying bits of this situation here (if you do not know this, you probably do not read my posts) but have said nothing about the outcome of it. So now here it goes...

I have successfully found a place to stay in PJ. Hurray! Cheers! After some hunting around, it is finally settled. I'll be staying there starting from February. Haha... I have been planning things to be done after I have moved, which is of much annoyance to my friends in class. Hehe... I'm just saying. Can't seem to find much free time lately. Just hope I can enjoy then...

There are really a lot of things to do. This English assignment for instance is giving me headaches. It will be very tiring. Just searching for relevant stuff has strained my eyes. I can actually feel my eyes popping out as I am concentrating on the computer screen. Still, there are tons of things that need to be done. It will be a wonder completing this semester in one piece.

I need strength.
I need patience.
I need time.
I need knowledge.
I need wisdom.
I need dedication.
I need rest...

Continuing my attempt to complete this impossible task.
Staying alive...

Listen, little child

2007-01-10T20:23:00.000+08:00

Little child...

You never stop asking. You want the answers for everything. "What is this?" you ask. "Why is it like this..." This curiostity is a good thing. Treasure it while it lasts because as times pass, you will lose it eventually...

I have forgotten what it was like, to see everything as a new thing, to want to learn, to want to understand instead of just accepting things as they are. Come to think of it, it is not that ridiculous when you ask why red is called red, why you have to be afraid of police officers, why people have to make a big fuss on some political issue, why we must cry during a funeral when that person is now enjoying in Heaven, why you can't draw on the wall when it's so empty, why people are always saying they love you but do not say that to each other...

Innocent little child, you have all the right to have the answers to your questions. But I know, you were always being called to stay silent. All because people who were supposed to have the sense and knowledge enough to know more do not know how to answer you. I am so sorry. I am afraid I can't help much...

Cute little child, stay true to your dreams. Be good, although I do not know what will become of you in years to come. Criminals did not born to be one. Liars did not born as one. Neither did selfish businessmen nor did any other irresponsible people. You should stick to your beliefs. Do not be easily influnced by others. Listen to your heart...

You deserve so much more...

Little child, make a difference, in thinking, in perceptions, in this world... Make this a better place to live in. Give it hope. Let it shine...

We deserve much more...

Confession

2007-01-09T19:32:00.000+08:00

Looking at myself
Laughing away happily.
It is sincere
Yet there's something hidden.
Deep inside
Somewhere inside
I'm hurt...

Living a lie...
How long can I keep up with this?
Should I let it out?
Should I keep it in forever?
I do not know...
What makes me me?
What makes me who I am now?

Tears came rolling down...
Not out of sorrow
Not out of pity.
Face remaining expressionless.
Being helpless?
No idea what to do?
Not a clue how to react?
Maybe...

Looking ahead
Tears rolling down my empty face...
Where do I go from here?

Difference

2007-01-03T18:06:00.000+08:00

Don't know why
I am feeling like this towards you.
Looking at what you have done
Looking at what others think about you
Looking at how I see you...
It is all different.
People's minds are scary.
Mine is scary...
I do not know what I want,
I do not know what to do...

Moving towards the avoided...

2006-12-20T16:02:00.000+08:00

It has seemed far away before,
It is near now...

Time will come eventually,
Eventually it will come...

Waiting for this has been dreadful,
Knowing it is near now doesn't make it any better...

Moving slowly towards this,
Knowing it is going to be a disaster...

The bomb is ticking.
Tick tock tick tock...

What have I done?

2006-12-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

It is now the last month of this year. It is nearly Christmas now. That means my holidays are coming to an end. It is time to face reality again. Things that I fear will one by one unfold themselves, waiting for me to overcome, waiting for me to learn...

I know, when I meet my friends again, when I started living in reality again, I will have to answer a question that I do not exactly have the answer to. How was your holiday? What have you done? The question is scary, especially when I myself do not know the answer. Or should I say I am embarrassed and afraid to give my answer...

Others have gone working, doing something meaningful, learning something useful to their own lives. Me? I have not gone to work. I have not learnt anything, not anything useful enough to aid my future. So what have I done? I am seriously not sure myself.

For the past few months, I have been reading some books. Not those self-help books or books that make you learn something useful, they were just some fictions which I love. Also, I have been watching some TV programmes. Can't see anything meaningful enough in that. I have been lazying around, playing around with my siblings, scolding them when they have finally got on my nerves... Oh, and I have helped packing things as my family is moving soon. But still I did not help much. I find myself ridiculous for spending my long holiday the way I have. What am I doing to my life! Am I enjoying it while I can? Or am I just trying to run away from the fact that I have to live as an adult now?

I am afraid to be an adult, yes! With all those responsibilities, the things you were expected to do, knowlegde you were expected to know, watching how adults live their lives and children living theirs... It is just too much! I will never be what was expected. I will try but I just will not try harder. I am afraid I will mess up. People are looking up to me, expecting me to act a certain way. What will they think if I failed? I am not a person who can lead, who can take full responsibility of something. I have to overcome this in order to succeed, haven't I? I have to take a huge step from my comfort zone to success. I know this and I want to succeed. I'm just not sure about this huge step. There is too much a risk of falling into the bottomless hole in between...

I will try. I will have to eventually. I can't stay like this forever. It is not a nice feeling at all, feeling useless and all. I need time. I need courage. I need support...

So please do me a favour for the time being. Do not ask me the question in which its answer cannot satisfy both me and you. Do not scold me either, or give me any advice because I know all of those. I just need time to figure things out on my own. I have to face this myself it seems. If you really must ask that question, consider it answered through what I have written above. Hope you are satisfied with it.

Do not come near me!

2006-12-11T14:32:00.000+08:00

Went out for seafood yesterday night. It was raining. It was just a dinner, a family dinner. Delicious? Yes, of course! My dad eventually ordered a lot and we just ate and ate. The crabs were fantastic. A hard time getting to the edible parts but it was worth the effort. It was supposed to be perfect. But my fear spoilt everything...

It turned out to be a place where cats will be hanging around, steadily walking or sometimes running under the tables, past your legs!!! The horror! I fear all animals. Well, actually you can say it runs in the family. My sisters too were afraid.

First, someone spotted a cat walking past our table. Instinctively, I curled myself up, crossing my legs until I was in the meditating position on my chair, secretly glad I was not wearing skirts. I tried eating like that but it was quite hard because people started staring at me. This position lasted for a while before I was finally convinced that the cat has gone and will not bother me anymore.

I continued eating as a normal person would, feets touching the ground and all. Unfortunately, what I dreadfully feared happened... The cat came back, with its friends!!! This time one of the cats walked past my sister's legs, making her jump. My legs once again were lifted up in the air. I was not putting them down again. So during the entire dinner, I was finding ways to keep my legs away from the ground. I tried supporting them up in the air by stretching my legs straight in front of me. But this was a very difficult task as there were nothing in front of me where I can rest my legs on. Next, I managed to persuade my sister to allow me to rest my legs on top of hers. This too did not last long as she got tired soon.

So what I ate at that time was instantly being converted to energy for me to keep my legs off the ground. All because of those cats!

After dinner, I practically ran to the car and quickly got on it, thankful I was safe at last.

I really am afraid of animals...

Until then...

2006-12-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

It's all over now. I do not have to find places in PJ anymore. Well, until January of course...

Due to some reasons which I think is very hard to explain here, the plan has changed. Now, we'll look for places during January. If we fail to do so then, I may move into MC. Just maybe.

I am not angry at all. A little sad maybe. But it's nothing. I just hope everything will turn out right eventually. I personally feel that it is impossible to stay together anymore. But I should not give up hope right? Right!

Everything will be okay. I can and I will move out! I just have to wait till then...

Some help?

2006-11-30T15:12:00.000+08:00

Biting my nails... Feeling nervous... There is no more time to waste. I have to do this before 8th of December... I have to find a place to stay in PJ!!!

How can this be so hard? It is though. To my surprise, it is very difficult to find a place that meet all our criterias. And there are a lot (and I mean a lot!) that refuse to rent their place to students, afraid we'll trash their place maybe. Gees... We're good people, really!

There is no time to lose anymore. I want to move out! Sigh... Hope everything will turn out alright eventually. God, please help me!!!

Spent my money

2006-10-25T19:58:00.000+08:00

Slowly walking on the shining floors of a shopping complex, peering at the displays through the windows, wondering how come they always look so good on the models but never on me...

Stepping into a boutique, browsing through the clothes neatly hanging on the hangers, secretly wishing I had more money... Actually I do not even know why I am taking the risk of spending money when I obviously do not have much. *Sigh* Anyway, I went into this boutique and I spotted nice shoes below the hanging clothes. (Yes, I found shoes in a boutique.) I stared at them for ages. They were the shoes I like, the shoes I long to have, the shoes I have been looking for...

I love to buy Japanese fashion magazines. I love the style it carries. And there right before my eyes were the kind of shoes that appeared in those magazines. I have to have them! (Obviously at that time, my sense of not wanting to spend anymore has long gone.)

I saw a lovely pair of green striped shoes. I tried them on but they were too tight. They were however beautiful and so cute! At least to me, they were cute and I liked them. I asked the salesgirl to get me a bigger size but she said there are no more of those. I was so sad. Well, I can't blame them. It was a boutique. They focus on selling clothes. So they probably only have one of each size for shoes.

I saw another pair of shoes that were of the size I wanted. They were of the exact design as the green one, except that they were in red. I tried them on. They were the perfect fit! I hesitated for a very long time in that shop. I wanted these shoes but they were not the colour I wanted. The green ones were so much better. Oh why must my feet be so big!

I bought the red ones in the end. I was happy for a very short time before feeling a little bit stupid. The shoes were the last pair left and the inside of the right shoe was coming off a bit. Still, I bought them. When I reached home, I tried to remove the sticker indicating the size that was sticked inside the shoes. I quickly left them as they were because as I pulled the sticker off, the surface of the shoes were also being pulled off. So now, the stickers are still there, spoiling the perfect look of the shoes.

I feel so unwise as a consumer. They should have cost lower. I should not have bought them as they were not in perfect condition. But then, my love towards the shoes blinded me. I bought them anyway. I love them. That's the most important, right? Hope they really do look good on me. My sense of style sometimes is a bit dissappointing...

I love my shoes! Although that may make me a silly consumer, I still love them. For now at least...

You love me? Yeah right...

2006-10-20T18:45:00.000+08:00

"Ma! I love you..."

Don't know why, today I just felt like saying this. And when I finally did, I regretted it. My mum was slightly smiling at first, then she told my sis, "Look! Your je so fake!" Blank. Suddenly my whole world was a blank. I just stood there, dumbfounded. I was sincere in saying that. I even gathered up my courage to say that. And this is what I got. I was being "insincere". I was "wanting something". It hurts me so much. Do these words have no meaning anymore?

We always say tell them how much we love them while we still can. But when we really say it, do they believe it? This is something to do with our culture I think. We are expected to not show our feelings too much which I don't know why. People tend to hide their feelings, afraid people will find out how they really feel. This I don't know why also. Isn't it good to express your feelings sometimes? Especially good ones like love?

Mum! I really do mean it when I say I love you. Please do not question my sincerity anymore. I really do love you.

Although the outcome of your expression of feelings may not be so nice, at least you have done what you feel is right. You have shown people how much you love them. You have done your part. And with that, you will have no regrets. That's what's important.

Express yourself. It is not good to keep all things to yourself. Share your laughter, share your love...

Lost

2006-10-12T19:29:00.000+08:00

What am I trying to do?
What am I trying to be?
Who am I trying to impress?
Why do I even care?
What is happening to me?

Emotions shouldn't change so rapidly.
Tears shouldn't come so easily...

Rain

2006-10-09T14:00:00.000+08:00

It's raining...

Listening to the rain, tapping... What a lovely sound! Most people love sunny days, but then I am not most people. I used to think I am the only weird person who loves rain and cloudy days. But after some deep thought, I know there are people out there who loves these too. I am not the only one. I am not special in that sense...

Of course I do not like rain when I am outdoors. It is too much of a trouble. I like it when I am indoors or when I am in a car. Staring out the window. Watching the raindrops slide down the window. Listening to the tapping sound. It is most peaceful. This soothing scene always make my mind wander off.

At the same time, I feel real. The rain is so real before me, yet it gives me a feeling of something too beautiful to be true. This feeling is so unique. The rain gives me imagination and also a sense of reality. Reality can be beautiful. This fact is such a comfort.

Listen to the beautiful music of the rain. Look at the innocent drop of the rain. It is beautiful. Reality can be beautiful...

My hair

2006-10-06T16:32:00.000+08:00

I went to a hair-stylist yesterday as my hair is getting longer and quite out of shape. At first, she asked for how long has my hair been long. I did not answer as I am counting in my head the years. Both of us knew it was long enough. She suggested a short-hair look for me. She said it will not be too short. "Just around here..." she said and pointed at an invisible line right above my shoulder. I shaked my head as hard as I can. To me, that was very short and besides, I love my hair being long. She said okay and that she was just asking me to try something new. But since I like it long she will keep it that way. Thank goodness...

I really have to be firm with my own thoughts. I never wanted to colour my hair as I like it being black, but this thought did not last for long. I highlighted my hair yesterday. Now, I am feeling angry with myself as I am finally positive that I love my hair being black. I miss my black hair... I feel awkward now. I do not look lady-like and innocent anymore. I do not even know what I look like now. It is a funny feeling. Oh well! I'll get over it eventually. Hairs do grow anyway...

My haircut was okay, especially the fringe. My forehead does not look ao bare now. But like I said, hairs do grow. It will not look this nice when I start my class again. Just hope it will not be too bad.

Ahh... I can't hear properly. I had flu since last week and until now my nose is kind of blocked. Since then, my ear can't function properly. It's like when you're taking off in an airplane. My ear has been like this for a few days now. Believe me, this is not good at all. I can't hear well. I can't even speak well because I can't hear myself speak that clear. It is just a weird feeling. When will this end?

Dreaming

2006-10-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

*sigh* Such a long holiday... What am I suppose to do? I do not even know how I survived the past weeks. Oh ya! I went for movies the other day with my ex-housemates. We watched the Jackie Chan film about the baby. It was so funny, quite an entertaining piece. And the baby was soooooooooooooooooo cute! Glad to think everyone was that cute once...

I spent all my days dreaming. If you think I have done enough dreaming during busy days, think again... With absolutely nothing to do during the holidays, I dream a lot. Not only I daydream more, I even have more dreams at night. I seriously dream myself to sleep and I wake up and dream some more. I don't even know what's the point of dreaming. I just love to do it. It makes me hide myself away from reality for a while. I can be whatever I want in my thoughts...

I plan to write something, a story maybe. But my laziness controls me, again! I have already thought of many potential ideas that can be turned into nice stories but the problem is when do I start. I'm terribly lazy you know. Then, there's another problem. You see, I do not know whether to write it in English or Chinese. I can write better in English as I've forgotten a whole lot about Chinese and I've been reading more of English books. But I feel that I can express better in Chinese. The stories I have in mind are those that would be shown in drama series (I really imagine too much...). I mean the stories are things that I feel will happen in drama series. And I think it's better for it to be in Chinese. But then I'm afraid I'll not express it well enough because of my Chinese standard and it will ruin everything... I don't know what to do now. Or maybe I am just finding excuse to delay the writing. I am just plain lazy...

I really should stop dreaming so much. It's making me go nuts. I realize as time goes by, sometimes I can't really differentiate reality from fantasy and that is very dangerous. On the other hand though, fantasy makes me feel that I belong. It's a place for me to settle down from reality. Or so I think... Haiz... I don't even know who I am now. I just do not know...

I am in deep trouble. The more I live in a world of my own, the more drastic my emotions change. I can be really happy one second and become sad suddenly the next. I am going nuts. I wonder how can people get along with me... Miracles do happen I guess. But I have to dream right? Or else how am I going to get those ideas to write stuff? Hehe... I'm comforting myself again...

Whatever it is, I'll try to control myself. I will try to know reality from fantasy. I truly believe that it is a gift for me, to dream. I can live two lives, sort of. I can be myself in reality, and be whoever I want in my fantasy world. I love this. I love to dream. And I will continue to dream... Maybe I'll be more down to earth but still, I will continue dreaming...

Genting trip

2006-09-20T15:19:00.000+08:00

Exams are over and holidays are here! I went to Genting with JR friends and it was plain fun!

We went to the theme park (As if there were other places in Genting) and went on rides and screamed and shouted (Well, at least I screamed and shouted but it is all out of joy!). We went paddeling in the lake and formed a long line of paddeling boats. We met another line and combined with them, making a longer line. Later we found out that that line of people was from UTAR, Setapak. Haha... It's a small world after all...

I went in SnowWorld for the first time and it was very very very cold. I was shivering once I stepped inside. It was freezing. We had a snowfight and went for a ride on a tube where we slide down the ice. My bottom was in pain after that. I hit on the bump or something. Until now it aches a bit.

Maybe it was too cold in SnowWorld, I had a slight fever after that. That is what my friend said at least. I could not stop sneezing and went to bed early. Well, it was not exactly early but others were still playing cards when I went to sleep. The next day, I was all better and can play some more.

We went bowling since we have a free game. And guess what... I won! Not bad for a person who did not bowl for a long time and had a record of "longkang-ing". Haha... Just lucky I guess.

We had a slight problem when it's time to head for home. We bought bus tickets for 5:45pm since there were no more tickets earlier than that. We waited on the other side because there were people smoking at the place where we're suppose to wait for our bus. We went back there around 5:40pm and saw a bus there. It was full of people. We asked the driver whether it is our bus and the driver rudely said our bus is at the back. So we waited and true enough the bus behind was not our bus. Our bus was the one which we asked and said it is not! I was so angry!

We went and asked the people in charge at the ticket counter. Guess what crap they told us. They said we were "late" and the bus allowed people who bought tickets which are not at that time to go up the bus to fill up empty spaces. What kind of system is this! Hey, we bought tickets at a certain time to get on the bus at a certain time right? How can they just allow other people to just get on the bus just to fill up spaces? The worst part is we were not late. We arrived just on time and asked the bus driver and he turned us down! Then it seems like it was our fault we did not manage to get on the bus. My goodness... What is happening to mankind!

So in the end, we fill up empty spaces of other buses. We had to split up into two groups to get back home. And to think we should not be doing this since we were not wrong at all. And the people who did wrong made it feel like it was our fault we missed our bus! Ok ok... Give me a minute to calm down. Breathe in... Breathe out...

Other than that horrible experience, I had fun and was very happy. Hope the others felt the same too. I'm just happy we went for a trip. Just couldn't wait for the next one...

Gambate!!!

2006-09-03T20:17:00.000+08:00

Examinations coming. As usual, nervousness has taken over me. God please help me! Help me...

Well, wish me luck!

Into the battle field...

Our songs

2006-08-11T20:24:00.000+08:00

The results came out. My friend told me that our songs did not manage to get to the finals. Aww... She was very angry and sad I think. Another friend of mine really felt sad. As for me, frankly I did not feel anything at all. This is a fact and I accept it.

There is no point being sad or anything. Music is a very subjective thing. It is an art. And not many people agree on it. Take Jay Chou for example. His songs are loved by people and also condemned by people. Not everyone agrees on one thing. That is what makes people different in the first place. We should not be angry or sad or anything, just accept it with an open heart!

I am happy enough already. At least we had fun putting the songs together. We worked together. This is a special bond we managed to achieve in such a short period. I am truly touched. We can achieve so much together. Now,we have songs that belong to us. Our songs. And I am proud of it. At least we liked them. They are our songs and we will like them no matter what.

I thank everyone for liking the songs. We do not need prizes or anything to prove that our songs are good. Most importantly is we believe these songs are good and we like them. We are a part of the songs. The songs represent our unity, our friendship, us! And this is worth more than anything. This is enough...

Let us stay united always. Just remember the songs... Our songs...

Friends are Friends...

2006-08-01T22:31:00.000+08:00

Finally! Tuesday is here. And that means it's recording time. We went to a music school to kind of borrow their piano to use. So, my friends and I spent two and a half hours practising, singing, and recording. It was just loads of fun. We laughed and shouted (it's kind of hard to explain why some of us shouted but we just did, ok!). The songs are successfully recorded. Although the sound system of the laptop is not as good as the songs that you usually hear from a cd or from the radio, it is good enough for us. We now have our song, which is very nice. I plan to make the others sing it when we graduate. It will be so touching.

I am listening to the songs now. Seriously, I almost cried when I hear the song which all of us sing together. It is like all of us work together to put this together. We are one. We are friends. Good friends... I can't help but think of when we graduate and we sing this song again. So many memories will replay itself then. When we first met... When we first sing this song together in the first semester... When we laugh together... When we do things together... When we are not going to do these anymore when we go separate ways... Oh, just the thought of this makes me want to cry. Time do change everything. It's just so sad...

We did it! We finished the song. Everyone can rest now. I too can rest now... And so I think... Ming Sing, the girl who wrote the lyrics, wants me to compose another song for another competition and it is due tomorrow. Yikes! So long for my rest time. I plan to start tomorrow as now it is too late. If I start playing my piano now, windows will be flung open and shouts of "Shut Up" will travel in this quiet night. So I better not risk that and quietly write in my blog here. All noise will be kept for tomorrow...

Oh and I can't wait for the Genting trip at the end of this semester. I can't stop thinking of enjoying myself right now. Better stop that. Exams are coming. Ok it's time to study. Study study study... Nah, that can wait till tomorrow... Hehe...

Can't help but feel how lucky I am. I have so many nice friends. Old ones and new ones. I love you guys! Thank God for everything that I have. Thank God!

Composing songs...

2006-07-30T13:52:00.000+08:00

There is a chinese song-composing competition in the university and I am to take part in it. Well, it all started when a friend of mine wanted to join this competition as she can write good lyrics. So, she started convincing me to join too as she thinks I can write songs. And now, a big bunch of Journalism students are taking part in this. She is in charge of the lyrics, me the song, another friend the arrangements of the song, and a few other Journalism friends the singing part. It was suppose to be fun...

I spent the last two days facing the piano, and I mean the whole day! My mind is now not quite right. Bear with me, ok? I composed and sing myself as they wanted to know how the song is suppose to sound. I sang terribly. It was all out of tune. Whatever lar... It is good enough that I finished two songs.

Although it was a lot of hard work, I think it would be fun when we all really get together and sing. Hope they will like it though. The songs are not really good but what the heck! It is the process of having fun that counts right?

Hopefully we will be putting the song together on Tuesday. Can't wait to finish this off...

Sing some more!

2006-07-26T21:05:00.000+08:00

I went to 1 Utama's Neway yesterday with my U-friends for the very first time and you know what? I enjoyed every bit of it, although how we get there was a bit confusing. We could not find each other because 'someone' gave wrong instructions. Hehe... No offense here. We finally managed to meet each other and we sang our hearts out, seriously!

It was really fun! One of my friends really danced and it was hilarious. We laughed and sang and laughed some more. That guy really sang with much emotions. It was funny though watching him like this. We had a great time and wished we had more. We sang for nearly three hours but still it was not enough. Our next singing session will be in Genting, hopefully...

Oh yes! There is something else. We were all very hungry when we finally reached there but the food will only be served at 2.30pm. So, we have no choice but to wait. But guess what? The food came in late! So all of us were practically shouting for food there. Some of us even sang out we were hungry in the middle of a song. It was just plain fun.

Later we went back to class, which was 5.00pm to 7.00pm (weird time to be having class, right?). And you've guessed it. We were all tired. The supposingly noisiest person in our class was really quiet during that class. All his energy was used in his singing I guess. And when he was picked to read a passage out loud, his voice was sore. We all laughed.

A guy in my class who really looks and sounds like Jay Chou (He'll kill me if he sees this. He just hates people calling him Jay) really DOES sound like Jay when he sings. My friend, Mong Er chooses mostly Stephanie Sun's songs and she really sounds like her. Someone called her 'Sheng4 Yi1 Zhi1' as in 剩一枝 just because she sounds like Sun1 Yan4 Zi1 (孙燕姿). Haha... I think this name will be glued to her forever.

Just hoping we will have more fun times like this. There's still this Genting trip. Oh, I am just hoping this trip will be a success.

Mong Er just told me to help in recruiting new members for Photography Society. I just hope I will know what to say tomorrow as I have very limited knowlegde on this society. Well, I might as well use this opportunity to promote this society.

For UTAR students, please join Photography Society. It is a nice club but it will be nothing without you. We need new members to make this club a success and to be able to carry out activities. We need new ideas from new members. We need people to join our activities. So please visit our booth tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. We will be there if you have any doubts. Hope we will be of great help. Please join us...

I do not speak funny!

2006-07-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

I wonder why but since last year I found out something nobody has ever told me before. There are people who said my voice is funny. Until now, I still wonder why they say that...

It all started last year in KTAR. A girl said my voice sounds like 林志玲 because I tend to go out of tune when I speak. I was very surprised then. It was the first time people said my voice is funny. Well then, I thought it is just one person who thinks this. Man, was I wrong...

I went to UTAR and there are about three people saying the same thing. They said my voice tends to shake a lot and that it is very funny. All this time, I never once thought my voice is funny and now there are people saying it is. I am very confused right now...

My voice is NOT funny okay? I DO speak normally. And if you think my voice is funny, it is not my fault at all. It is my voice and I was born with it. I cannot simply change it. And for those who think I am acting this voice out, you are wrong! This IS my voice and I am not faking it. Besides, I think my voice is normal enough. You are the one who are thinking too much or you are just listening too much. I don't know. All I know is my voice is NOT funny, okay?

I look like what???

2006-07-18T22:14:00.000+08:00

Is my face that common-looking that I can look like whoever you think of? I got the weirdest comment you can ever imagine. Maybe my face is just too common that it looks like everybody...

Someone once said I look like an anime character, with my big big eyes and all. I think it is kind of funny because it will be very weird if an anime character really comes to life. Her eyes will be too big and with what seems like lines for the nose and very very small lips. It will just be too weird.

Then someone said I look like a cartoon. They could not think of what cartoon I simply represent. After some serious thinking, they finally concluded that I just have a look of cartoons. I somehow look like a cartoon to them, which is very awkward. A cartoon? Until now I cannot figure out whether it is to be taken as a compliment or an insult.

I went to redbox with my friends once and sang Jolin Tsai's songs. Then, some of them started saying I look like her. My friend who likes to pinch people (you know who you are) even said I look like Jolin, before she became pretty. She was not so pretty then you know. How dare she! It hurts me so badly to hear her say that.

What surprises me most is this. Today, out of the blues, my lecturer suddenly said I look like A Mei and I think she meant Zhang Hui Mei. I was totally shocked. This is a first! Since when do I look like her? This is just getting too weird. I should create my own identity from now. Why can't people just say I look like me?

People nowadays think too much...

It's over

2006-07-14T20:05:00.000+08:00

Thank God! The Chinese presentation is finally over. We did well today, I think. Although as usual, I left my sentence hanging in the air nearly throughout the whole presentation, we still did good. Thanks to my whole class...

True enough, today I was 'huh'ing all the time, especially when they started using Chinese words that are too high of standard for me. I stopped a lot during my presentation. I just could not seem to find the right words to express what I was suppose to say. Practically the whole class was helping me out today by filling in the blanks for me. Whenever I stopped in the middle of a sentence, they just blurted out words to me, allowing me to pick the words of my choice. That will definitely cost my marks. Yikes!

It was quite funny actually, watching me struggle to find the right words to say. Fortunately, it is all over now. Chew Mong! We did it! No more for us...

Chinese presentation = Doom!

2006-07-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

Oh my goodness! I am so nervous right now. I am having a presentation tomorrow. You may say, apalah lu... presentation also scared... But hey! This is no normal presentation. This is a Chinese presentation and my partner and I are presenting on 'The Da Vinci Code', which is a very sensitive issue (about religion you know...). *Biting my nails now...* I have to admit, this is my first presentation in Chinese and I do not know what to do! Help...

After about two years not touching any Chinese, what do you expect from me? I wonder how am I going to present well tomorrow. No doubt I will be 'ah'ing and 'erm'ing throughout the whole presentation. My mind will be blur and I will start saying 'What?' all the time. Someone help me!

To make things worse, a few of my classmates said they will 'kindly' prepare questions for us in the Q & A session. They will just shoot us tomorrow. So now, I am just preparing for a battle. Better remember to bring my armour tomorrow, or I will get it...

Trying to figure out how am I suppose to handle this tomorrow... What if I do not understand what they are asking? (They sometimes just love to use Chinese that are hard to understand, for me at least...) What if I do not know how to answer? What if I forgot what I am suppose to say? What if they do not understand what I am saying? What if... Oh my! I am getting crazier by the minute. Time to chill...

*Breathe in... Breathe out...* Okay! No worries. My partner will help me out, right? My classmates will not treat us that badly, right?

Well, I just have to get ready now. All I have to do is just wait...

*Yikes!*

Five little boys

2006-07-07T20:07:00.000+08:00

I saw five boys playing in the playground today. Four of them were small and skinny, the other one was fat. They were wearing school uniforms so I assume they decided to hang around and play after school.

They were so cute! They were trying to figure out how to play the see-saw together. There were two see-saws in the playground. At first, two skinny ones climbed on one end then the fat one tried to get on. Then, three of them went on one end. After that, they gave up. When I was about to go, I saw four of the skinny ones sitting on both sides of the see-saw. I do not know what the fat one planned to do. But they looked like they were having fun...

How nice it is to be a child again... You can play all you want. It makes me wonder what will happen to them in years to come. Will they still be friends? Will they still remember this moment? When they were worry-free and just enjoying every moment of life? What will they become? A succcessful doctor? Or a pirated-VCD guy? Or maybe the leader of our country? Will they remember they had these friends once? Will they want to remember?

Looking at them, I know I am worrying too much. The future is for the future us to worry. There is no point to worry now. What we must do is just to cherish everything we have now. Be glad. Be happy. At least by doing this, we know that no matter what happens in time to come, we will not regret one bit. We will not look back and say I should have done this, I should have done better...

Life is like this. There are ups and downs. There are present happiness and past memories. Friends will forever be friends. No matter what happens, they will be there. Our memories will forever be there...

Chinese chinese chinese... Why!

2006-07-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

I will survive! I am surviving... At least for now... Oh my! Who am I kidding? I am dead!

Just finished my seemingly-taking-forever-to-finish Chinese test, which contains two surprisingly lengthy essay with lots of wrong-written words. What do you expect from me? I have not write Chinese for quite some time now. I do not read Chinese newspapers. (Actually I do not even read newspapers that often. And to imagine I am taking up journalism... Weird...) So there is pretty much an idea of how am I coping up with this Chinese subject in your mind now. It is impossible I tell you. IMPOSSIBLE!!! Why do I have to put up with this? Why?

During the test, I just stared at the paper then just wrote and wrote and wrote... And it is not because I have tons of things to write. No! It is merely because I do not know what to write. I do not have a specific answer to it. So I chose to write whatever appropriate, just to be on the safe side. I practically just repeated everything over and over again. That is what people do when they do not have an idea of what is going on. That is just me! I am normal too you know...

I am just waiting for the day my results are out. Can't wait to look at the disappointed face on my teacher. Hey, I can't help it. I am just not good in Chinese. What do you expect?

You know what... I have a strong feeling I am not the only one with this worries right now.

Hey, you have me and I have you. Let us go through this impossible task together!

Remember... Miracles do happen! Let us just hope that this miracle fall on us...

Chinese. Yikes!

2006-07-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

I am fully recovered already! Well, there is still a bit of cough here and there but overall, I am okay. Thanks to the concern and care from my friends and family, the curse from Bear Bear is finally broken! Yeah! (My illness is caused by Bear Bear's never-ending curses you know. Bad Bear! Bad...)

I have to study Chinese now in university because the supposingly elective has somehow miraculously turned into a must-take subject! I hate it! Now, I have to struggle to try to recall the Chinese language that has been long hidden well behind the small mind of mine. This makes it hard and slightly impossible for me to get first-class honours! Cheh, as if I can get it without this horrible subject. But then, I am kind of glad I am taking this subject. We can learn something through this. We can have fun. I am to present on The Da Vinci Code and it is kind of fun. But that is just the small percentage of it. How on Earth am I going to pass my examinations? Hope the teacher accept 'han yu pin yin' in the essay.

I have to read some Chinese writings by a supposingly famous author which I obviously do not know who she is. I have not even heard of her. And she was supposed to be famous! I have got hold of the text and is looking though them. How can people even read this stuff! I seriously do not understand what she is saying. Oh my goodness! How am I going to sit for this examination? Someone please help me...

Struggling to understand the text. Trying to figure out what her message is through this writing of hers. Hoping I can do well in this text. Praying for some miracle to happen...

Friends forever?

2006-06-28T15:34:00.000+08:00

We met in secondary school and were best friends ever since. The five of us. We do everything together. During holidays, we will plan trips together. To go for vacation, go for a movie, hang around in each other's house, eating pizza... Yes, even in the holidays we wish to see each other and spend time together, as if seeing each other everyday during school time is not enough. We share every laughter, every tear, everything... We play sports together in this sports complex. Basketball, badminton... We are a team. We are one... This will last a lifetime! We will be friends forever. Nothing will ever change this... Ever! Right?

It is time for us to further our studies. Two of us have left to study overseas. But they will come back during holidays. We still meet occasionally in this sports complex. Playing sports with all our hearts. Feeling the joy we had when we were younger. It is still the same, except for what we talk about. We tend to talk more about our future now, not the usual fun talk about just everything in the world. Now, we tend to be a bit more serious. We talk about new friends, new environment, plans for the future... What to do? We are growing up, are we not? We cannot help it! But this will only change the way we think. It will not change our close friendship. We will still be friends forever... Right?

I am standing here in the same sports complex. I have lost contact with my friends. They have all gone to set up their career and family, just like me. This sports complex is empty now. It is wearing down now. And I, I am to demolish this building to make way for an office. I look around this place while memories are flashing back in my mind. We were happy here once. We were close to each other once. We were friends once. Yes, were...

Allowing all the fond memories to wrap around me, I start to wonder. When did this all happen? When did we last meet each other? When did we last feel the strong bond between us? When? Time do change a lot of things. We have to move on. I have to move on...

*Boom* There goes the old sports complex, along with my joy, my innocence, my friends...

I am resting on my sofa, watching my child playing innocently with his friends. I walk towards them and pat my son on the head. I want to ask them to treasure their friendship. They say they will and they will be friends forever. But in my heart, I realize the sad truth. One day, they will end up just like me...

That is what time will do to us...

Flu! Nooooo...

2006-06-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

I am getting worse and worse each day... Now, I have got the flu. Not okay... I am very sick right now. Wanting so badly to be well again. *Sniff sniff... Somebody pass me the tissue please.

I have no class tomorrow! So I can have all the rest I want... Not! I have to catch up with my assignments which are piling up like nobody's business. Sometimes I wonder how can all these work be assigned to me in such a short period of time. It would take a miracle for me to be able to handle this. But then, miracles do happen. Keep working!

*Sniff sniff... Ahh... I have to breathe through my mouth now. My nose is totally blocked! If you put a smelly sock right in front of my nose, I will not be able to smell it. It is that bad! Oh well, it will get well eventually. So do not ever try to put your sock near me!

"Sniff sniff... Oh my goodness! I am out of tissue again. Better go get some...

Oh no! I'm sick!

2006-06-25T17:30:00.000+08:00

Yes, after numerous efforts to avoid getting the virus which has been circulating among my family members for the past week, I finally got sick. Yippee...(sarcastically). I just could not believe it! I cannot be sick. There are lots of things waiting for me to do. There are presentations coming up, numerous assignments to be finished... Oh why me? Why now? *Cough cough... Oh it is getting worse! Water please! *Gulp gulp gulp... Ahh... Slightly better now.

I finished my electronic publishing assignment already! Well, almost finish. I have not print it out yet which seems hopeless to do since I tried printing it out with my printer at home and guess what! The colour did not turn out right. The size of it did not turn out right. Everything is just wrong! Waiting for someone to help me out here...
Oh and yes! You should have known by now that I am computer-illiterate. The next thing I have to do is burning the assignment into a CD. How am I suppose to do that? Have you people not know I am bad in these things. Still waiting for someone to help me out here...

*Cough cough... Ahh... I really have to relax. Tell you something good. I went to KTV this morning. Yeah! Yes, I am having sore throat now but it has to be something far worse to stop me from going there. I sang, as usual, Jolin Tsai's song. It was fun! Wonder when will be my next trip there... Chew Mong? Suet Jzune? Peggy?

To all you people who are sick out there, drink more water and take good care of yourself! To those who are not sick, take care of yourself too and most importantly, do not bully people who are sick, for example me! Hehe...

*Cough cough... Better drink more water now. Until next time...